Lorry Drivers Prepare for Brexit

At least 18 lorries have parked on the side of a road in Engerland as part of preparations for Brexit (pronounced as Brek-sit by local English people).

Lorry Drivers Practicing for Brexit

The lorry drivers, known for their foresight and vast knowledge, agreed to take on such a seemingly  act of defiance against the looming act of political suicide by the British after being promised they’d be paid. While it looked to the outsider as if they were protesting Breksit and making fun of the morons who voted for the lies of Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage et al. they were actually taking part in a preparation event for when everything goes balls up in March this year.

UK Prepares for Brexit

Spokesman for the drivers, John Smith (pictured below), a fan of the beer of the same name, not a fan of it being owned by a Dutch company though, spoke at length with reporters on the scene and didn’t have much interesting to say in all seriousness. Some of the highlights included ‘..well, Breksit means Breksit and we can’t be having the Germans tell us we have to have straight bananas, it was us that won the war and then we beat them in a football match 21 years later and, ha-ha, we really rubbed their noses in it, given a Nazi salute.’ He also said ‘Y’know, nobody here wanted to work today, we’re truck drivers after all, but Theresa May and the government paid for this shindig and our bosses knew they could fleece them, so we’re all getting a good bonus. I suppose some of the lads here will spend the extra money on their families and kids, it’s a fair bet though that the local pubs and curb crawlers will have a busy night on their hands. It’s a cash job obviously, we were told we’d not be taxed, nobody wants more money going to the likes to Portugal or Poland or any other god-awful country starting with a P so Mrs. May has said she’ll hand over a sack of dosh tomorrow morning.

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Another driver Steve Jones was hanging around Smith and it looked like he wanted to get a word in so the bored reporters who are sick of being journalists who don’t actually cover any actual news whatsoever for Sky News and the BBC humoured him. ‘We’ve all very proud to be leaving ng Europe. We’re getting our country back and we’re making strides already, taking back our sausage rolls from the Pro-EU vegans’. In a surprise geography lesson, Jones said, ‘We’re obviously not leaving Europe since we’re an island in Europe, but yea, we don’t want no (geography was a strong point, English grammar not so much with Mr. Jones) more immigrants come here, and it doesn’t matter than we’re going to have to abide by WHO trade rules, we’re lived through wars and austerity and Thatcher’s 80s and we survived all of them.’

England>Sligo?

When asked for his age, Jones revealed he was 25, born two years after Thatcher left office. ‘We’re British afterall. We’d all rather be poor and happy than prosperous and happy.’ He went on to add ‘I’ve got some sympathy for the immigrants though, my parents came here from Sligo in Ireland, it must be really terrible in their home countries if they want to more here y’know?’ This reporter has been to Sligo, it is indeed worse than England.

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Later tonight the truck drivers plan on celebrating their jaunt with a ceremonial bonfire where they’ll burn effigies of Jean-Claude Juncker and Angela Merkel while singing the likes of ‘No Surrender to the IRA’ and ‘Two World Wars and One World Cup.’ Local escort websites have crashed with the demand for cheap sex. No drivers from Wales or Scotland or Northern Ireland took park, in fact nobody from those countries were invited as, according to Smith ‘their accents are hard for us to understand.’

Reuters 2019